I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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