I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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