The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
you are never too drunk for berry picking
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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