is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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