I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
