You're my little dorito
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
