I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
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Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
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I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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