I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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