I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
