I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
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You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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