I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
