Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
