god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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