smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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