I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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