she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She's the barista slut.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
