On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
