talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
