it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
