I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Randomize
