We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
