She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
