Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
