How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
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Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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