Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
did i walk over a car last night?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
