I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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