Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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