can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i will never coherently bang her
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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