She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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