i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
