i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
