i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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