Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
