I forgot how hot balto sounded
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
