Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
