Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
