It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
