I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
