For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
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she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
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Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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