i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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