the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
