My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
