I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
