i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
