just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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