Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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