Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
