I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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