I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize