I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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