This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
