i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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