I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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