You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
