the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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