good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
