is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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