Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
