I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
