all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize