i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
