Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
