honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
