He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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